Your Love Life Is On The Rocks: Don't Worry

Yikes and Yowza! In recent times, more friends than I'd care to admit have come to me, saying that their long-time relationships and/or marriages have completely unhinged. I've thought long and hard about this and decided that I'd toss down a few words (sometimes embarrassing) on the subject, seeing that my own long-term friendship/marriage crumbled after 20 years some four years ago. Plus, you might not hear from a dude on the subject all that often.

You see, while you certainly feel at a crossroads, things will improve.

Do Not Worry. I am not a biblical scholar. In fact, my Christian faith is in its infancy, but I often come back to the words in Matthew (this might be the most profound passage I've ever heard in any form): “Then Jesus said to his disciples: ‘Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?’”

Will you have sleepless nights when your relationship comes to an end? Absolutely. Will you blame yourself and cause yourself undue stress? I'd bet on it. Are these feelings natural? Again, I would guess so. But these feelings will pass.

There's no need to worry.

Continue Working. Even when there are days when you feel worthless, perhaps even useless, chances are good you have work to do. You most likely have a day job. Go to work every day, especially if that's all you currently have "going on." And try to focus on that. Do the job well, the best of your abilities. I'm pleased to hear that employers and managers are reasonable and supportive in this regard when you are a productive employee to begin with. And in my own personal experience, they have been extremely supportive.

Do What You Enjoy. This is particularly true of your hobbies. If there's anything that makes you forget about your troubles--for me it has been writing, adventuring with my son and wrestling-related ventures--continue on with gusto. This allows you to keep your mind off of your troubles. And sometimes it just makes the day go faster, and at times nothing is more valuable. Get involved in your community, your church, clean up your street. Keep busy.

Cut Down On The Drinking/Smoking. This is where I may find some controversy. It's my experience that people cut down on their alcoholic beverages as they age. Being someone who never drank or smoked, I personally never had to curb that behavior. That being noted, slicing down those vices may contribute to better health and a sunnier outlook. I kissed a girl 25 years ago who smoked. I still remember it. Heck, if you want to stay a social drinker and smoker, don't change. It may not be wise to increase those activities once the dating scene resumes. (Editor's note: I digress if both of those things mean a lot to you.)

Check In On Your Friends. Your best friends will check in on you to see how you are, but don't forget to reach out to someone you may help. There's always someone in your personal universe who has a tougher time than you. I've found that reaching out to friends makes me feel better, as I'm sharing with others who may need a pick-me-up. The old adage is to check in on the elderly or infirmed. How about someone you suspect might need a friendly hello, regardless of their age?

Make New Friends. If you find yourself on the single's scene again after a long time away, don't fret. Yes, you may look at every member of the opposite gender as a dating possibility (I shudder when I reluctantly think of those days several years ago), but expect nothing but friendship and comradery. Make pals regardless of their sex. It's nice to get invites out-of-the-blue for get togethers from all over the place.

You'll Fall In Love Again. Let's suppose that your relationship/marriage has come to an end. It's an idea I for one don't easily condone, but it is what it is. People grow apart. Judging anyone over anything is unproductive. Someone once told me that they knew of people who were separated during the week, and were "hooking up" with someone new the first weekend. That's probably not the best thing to do. However, over time, and at exactly the correct time, it will happen.

Do Not Worry. It's that simple. Relax, don't freak out. It will be okay.

I'll throw out some other observations when they strike. Feel free to comment if you have something to add. I'm not an expert, just experienced.